Driving down a very busy street, I made eye contact with a homeless guy at a stoplight. I gave him a head nod. With our eyes still connected, he dropped trow and diarrhea literally shot from his ass in an explosion. The sidewalk looked like a piece of shitty modern art.

Yesterday I saw a guy drive by while eating a half gallon of ice cream. But not with a spoon- he was just going to town with his face buried in the carton. While driving.

Dude on a bus. Pulls out large jar of Vaseline. Scoops some out rubs it on his leather shoe. Scoops some more out, rubs it on his other shoe. Scoops some more out, rubs it into his bald head.

Methheads were heavily making out and fondling on Boston city transit. Someone told them to knock it off and the woman, considerably older (and with her tit in the guy’s hand) said, “Don’t talk to my son that way!”

While on a family vacation to Dominican Republic, I saw a naked elderly woman who was angry and obviously high or drunk or something, screaming at a man, until she threw a massive spider at him. It was a real spider, like a tarantula… Like I don’t even know how to explain to you how weird this was to witness. I have no idea what they were saying because it wasn’t in Spanish it was in Haitian creole.

A man just in his underwear rolling around on the floor in a pile of flour

Guy wearing full scuba gear to the grocery store early pandemic.

Watched a woman in a sundress finger blasting herself on a curb by the bus stop

Saw a guy eat an entire grapefruit at a stop light like an apple. Dude was taking t-rex sized bites out of it, rind and all. The entire thing took less than a minute and a half, too.

A guy I knew in college got dumped by his girlfriend. I watched him literally dress up in a suit of armor to go make a big movie-style speech about being her knight in shining armor – assuming she would then run into his arms. She slammed the door in his face. That was a LONG walk back to his apartment.

Brushing their teeth while driving 70mph on the motorway

My friend and I were shopping in k mart in high school and we were looking in the toy section for a gag gift for a friend. There was a man jerking off in the Barbie section. We ran out of that store very fast.

Woman in an immaculate business suit chasing a chicken down the street.

We were on a school trip 2 years ago at a hotel where several universities would show us the educational offerings, out of nowhere a girl from another high school pulled out a NutriBullet and started making a banana milkshake. She took out bananas and a bottle of milk from her backpack.

Once, somewhere in western Massachusetts – couldn’t tell you the town, we were coming back to Boston from a day trip – we saw someone in a Bigfoot costume just unicycling along on the sidewalk of the main street. He had a red helium balloon and was wearing like fishing boots over the costume. It was over a decade ago that I saw it, but I’ll never forget.

I saw a woman in a library one time with a really old printer under her shirt. She was just on the computer on the internet. No idea why she had it.

Just yesterday I saw a 300lb shirtless man on a Rascal scooter with a homemade Captain America Shield (made out of cardboard). The women in the car next to us motioned and pointed like “did that just happen”?

This was in Sacramento. I was sitting outside of a tattoo shop at like 2am waiting for a friend to come pick me up. As I’m just sitting there, a homeless guy with baggy pants and no shirt walks up. He reaches his hand out for a handshake and says: “Hey there, I’m Death, how’s your evening going”. Very polite, didn’t sound like he was on drugs or drunk, but looked like a wreck I responded with: “Nice to meet you Death, I’m Dylan, I’m doing good, just waiting for a ride, how about you?” To which he responds “That’s good, I’m glad you were polite, you’ve got a good heart, you’ll be ok tonight”. And then he just walks off. While it wasn’t exactly the weirdest thing I’ve seen in public, it’s the weirdest way a person has ever introduced themselves to me.